i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
