youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
