Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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