mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
