Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize