I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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