I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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