One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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