By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Operation Purity has been aborted
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize