If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
