shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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