I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
why do cheetos always look like penises
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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