yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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