i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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