i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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