I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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