The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize