What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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