Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
