hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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