Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
