i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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