Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm always down for nudity.
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