She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
