he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your cock deserves a montage
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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