hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This is not my ceiling
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
