Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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