how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize