you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
