So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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