you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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