the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
