I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize