The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
