After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
