Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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