Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Can I color on your dick again?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
