Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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