the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
