I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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