can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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