Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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