just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
