I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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