Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
