You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Be still, my beating vagina.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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