i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
