he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize