Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
