I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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