What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
