I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
