you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
