My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
