When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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