You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
