Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
