i would punch a child for taco bell
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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