dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
