I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
