My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Hippo gnu deer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
