Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize