1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
