The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
