You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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