thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
