i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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