i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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