my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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